A Million Brilliant Shadows

Archive for the ‘sunday scribblings’ Category

This week’s Sunday Scribblings:

I have just come back from attending a poetry reading in Bath. Sharon Olds held the room spellbound as she read her poetry and talked about writing. (I highly recommend a poetry reading if you’ve never been. It makes poetry into something completely different!) For some, the word poetry conjures up terror; other people’s mouths begin to water in anticipation. Very few people feel nothing about it. Either way, your assignment this week is to write some – whether you like it or not!

I am not a poet by any means.  The extent of my poetry comes from the online version of those magnetic poetry kits.  In fact, when I read this week’s assignment, I hopped right over to the website and started messing around with some of the words.  It definitely helped get me started on my poem.  I haven’t been able to think of a title that really fits it yet though.

We tantalize this world.
Wild voices lifted up,
never listening, barely hearing.
Luck our only friend.
How far have we come?
How far will we make it?
Souls remember forever
those things we can never truly know.


I’m a few days late in writing this, but 5 month old baby girls take precedence over all the other things that Mommy would like to do.

This week’s Sunday Scribblings:

What are your thoughts on adulthood? What do you want to be when you grow up? Are you scared of being an adult? Have you been forced to be the adult in a relationship? Do you have an adult child who won’t grow up? Are you glad to finally be an adult? What do you think?

When I was a teenager, I couldn’t wait to be an adult. I thought everything was going to be fine and dandy. I’d finish school, get a job, get married, buy a house, and all that fun stuff. I wouldn’t have to answer to anyone but myself. I’d make all the rules. Haha. Who was I kidding? I guess just myself.

Being an adult is hard work. Being an adult means worrying about bringing in enough money to pay all the bills and buy all the necessities while still trying to have a little bit left over to pay for the extra things that make life a little better. Being an adult means making sacrifices. You need to go to the eye doctor? You need to make your car note? Your husband accidentally busted your gas meter while trying to cut down a tree and now you have to pay the gas company for a new meter AND the weekend pay for the worker who came to turn off the leak? One of those things ain’t going happen and you can guess which two it ain’t gonna be.

Plus, you have to deal with other adults, who, by the way, all really suck. You’d think the ones who have kids will understand how much having a 5 month old takes over your life. You do things when they are convenient for your baby, not you. Yes, I know people (aka the writers of all those parenting books I never read and won’t ever listen to) say you shouldn’t do this, but it’s better than holding an overly tired child who has been screaming so long she’s red in the face for over an hour before she finally goes to sleep because other people made you feel like a horrible person because you would rather let your child get her nap out in an attempt to avoid the aforementioned public scenario. Of course, the whole incident could have been avoided had we not let other people’s thoughts and feelings affect what we felt.

Being an adult is one big headache right after another. If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t be in so much of a hurry to grow up. Hopefully, I’ll be able to teach my daughter to cherish the present and not worry so much about rushing along the future.

This week’s Sunday Scribblings:

I wanted to do something a little different this week, so you are getting more structure than normal. Do you ever play the game where you decide who you would invite to your fantasy dinner party?

The rules are:
– you can invite anyone, living or dead
– you have a table that seats eight, but as you are one, you can invite seven people
– you have to explain why you’d invite them

And for bonus points:
– what would you serve them for dinner?

As soon as I read the prompt for this week, I thought it was going to be hard. Obviously I want to choose people I can learn something from, but I wasn’t sure how I was going to narrow it down. Then it hit me: I knew just the people to invite.

  • My great-grandfather – He died when I was in first grade. My earliest memories are of spending time with him. He was born in 1918, so he had so much first hand knowledge of things that happened in the twentieth century. It would be interesting just to be able to talk to him and hear his stories so that they can be passed on to others.
  • My great-grandmother – After my great-grandfather died, I didn’t spend as much time with her. She died the summer before sixth grade. I wish I would have realized all the things I could have learned from her before it was too late.
  • My husband’s father – He died a month before my husband’s tenth birthday.
  • My husband and his two younger sisters – I know they would really love to have the chance to talk to their dad. They were all so young (9, 6, and 2) when he died that they don’t really remember much and what they do remember is slowing fading away.
  • My daughter – So she can meet her grandfather.

Deciding what I’d serve for dinner was the easiest part of all. I can just imagine a huge table laid out buffet-style with lasagna, spaghetti and meatballs, caesar salad, pasta salad, garlic bread, and cheese bread. Maybe that’s a bit much for eight people, but I’d rather have too much and have to eat leftovers than not have enough to go around.

This week’s Sunday Scribbling: What’s new in your life? What new things should you be embracing? What does new mean to you?

I’m glad the prompt for this week didn’t automatically bring up a fictional response like last week’s did. It brought up something that I am going to have to get used to: having someone else take care of my child for a few hours a day. Up until now, I’ve only ever left my daughter with my husband (he really doesn’t count, though, does he?, my mother (twice, because we had to go to the airport to pick up family flying in from out of town), or my sister-in-law (once, while she was visiting from out of town). I’ve been able to take her to work with me, but now that she’s getting older (almost 5 months), my boss is not-so-subtly hinting that it’s time for that change.

Enter the search for daycare, which makes me uncomfortable. The only option we’d ever considered for daycare, long before we ever seriously considered having a baby, isn’t going to work and obviously never would have worked. We would’ve realized that if we had really thought it through, but we never really sat down and thought it through until recently.

So now I have to not only find someone to care for my daughter, but also get comfortable with the idea of leaving her with someone who isn’t me, a family member, or a friend. Frankly, it’s a little scary. Wait, no, it’s not a little scary. It’s very scary. Me leaving her with SOMEONE ELSE who isn’t me and who doesn’t know her like I do. This is what I need to embrace. Let’s just hope I can do it.

Today’s Sunday Scribblings question: What are you looking forward to, for better or worse?

Angie stared straight ahead, not looking to the left, not looking to the right. Just staring straight ahead, not able to focus on anything. She could feel her nervousness deep down in the pit of her stomach. If only she could focus on something, anything. But there was nothing near her that offered any kind of distraction.

She needed a distraction. Something to take her mind of the clock. Something to make her stop hearing the clock, the sound of the second hand to taking what seemed like hours to tick from one second to the next. Something to take her mind off the burning itch that seemed to consume her wrists and ankles. If only she could go back in time or better yet just fast forward a bit. If only she could do something, anything to bring about an ending, whatever that ending might be.

Her eyes barely registered the heaviness they were beginning to feel. Her head growing heavy, her mind becoming fogged with sleep. Everything she’d just heard tumbled around in her head until it formed a jumble of words so thick she couldn’t comprehend anything any more. She knew that everything she’d said was true, but, mixed with everything everybody else had said, it made no sense. Hopefully they would figure out that someone was lying. Hopefully they’d realize that she was telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Hopefully they’d realize this before it was too late, before something terrible had happened. Something that couldn’t be taken back.

She jolted awake as she heard the door clank open. “Come on, Angie. Get up. It’s time to go back to the courthouse. The jury’s made their decision.”

101 Goals in 1001 Days

Start date: 19 July 2009
End date: 15 April 2012

Total goals: 85
Goals to be determined: 16
Goals completed: 4
Goals in progress: 10

You can find my full list here.

**My goal project is on hold until September so I can figure some things out**